Lost My Mind, Found My Freedom: A Freelancers Journey to Reinvention

Pivoting is not a failure, but it sure can feel like it. I’ve straddled the fence between public relations and journalism for almost a decade. Never wanting to forsake one for the other because in my eyes I was a failure if I couldn’t successfully do both. Recently, a friend asked me to help with press for her single. Like I had done several times over the last decade-plus, I prepared myself to listen to “Lost My Mind” on repeat until I felt a press release forming in my head. But sitting there listening to Lindsey's lyrics, I began to reconstruct the narrative of my own life. It wasn’t about mourning the deaths of dreams but rather embracing the evolution of my story. 

I know that as an entrepreneur, the journey is often intertwined with the death of dreams and the birth of resilience. The decade-plus I spent running my PR firm provided me with lasting friendships, invaluable experiences, and an opportunity to chase my passions. It also catapulted me into what my therapist aptly calls my “continual state of transition.” Balancing the demands of a service-based business, I found myself juggling the intricacies of client expectations and team management, a relentless dance between success and chaos. In the throes of these challenges, the loss of my grandmother and the weight of an ADHD diagnosis intensified the whirlwind.

Entrepreneurs are responsible for the overall vision, strategy, and operations of their venture. They may manage a team, handle various aspects of business development, and have a crucial role in shaping the company’s trajectory. When you have to meet deadlines while grieving  and show up for your children, the last thing you're thinking about is bringing in new business. I wish I'd slowed down and thought about this sooner, I could have avoided the burnout I was constantly experiencing.

Did I envision this freelance change for myself, or was it a result of holding onto the ghosts of a life that never materialized for too long? Who knows? But grieving the possibilities that slipped through my fingers became a silent companion on my journey. The publicist who thought she’d walk down the aisle, the journalist who never anticipated decoding the intricacies of autism, the entrepreneur whose path was riddled with unexpected twists – each version of me was mourning. But the pride that comes with “showing up” had your girl in a chokehold. I wouldn’t stop and acknowledge the grief. I kept trying to “power through”. I was pushing the door when I needed to pull y’all. But, despite the voices in my head reminding me who I could have been, I have slowly been able to surrender to life as it is now and the joy and freedom that freelancing brings.

Let's be clear, freelancing and entrepreneurship are not the same. While freelancers have the freedom to choose their projects and work on a flexible schedule, entrepreneurs bear the responsibility of building and sustaining a business entity. Both paths offer independence, but freelancing tends to be project-focused, whereas entrepreneurship involves the broader scope of building and managing an entire enterprise. And all that managing, baby, it’s exhausting! 

I'm not sure where this freelance journey is going to take me, I'm allowing my losses to become the foundation, and Lindsey’s song “Lost My mind” a poignant reminder that in letting go, there's a profound sense of peace. The publicist, journalist, and entrepreneur in me didn’t die; they transformed into the resilient architect of a future I have the power to shape.