Pretti Spotlight: Dakari Eli on Music, Motherhood, and Staying True to Herself

In this illuminating interview with Dakari Eli, a multifaceted artist and creative force, we delve into some of the dynamic realms she navigates. As the host of the podcast “The Bigger Picture w/ Dakari Eli,” Dakari shares insights gained from captivating interviews with artists, entrepreneurs, and visionaries. Her role as Editor-in-Chief at Urban magazine reflects her commitment to empowering women with a nuanced approach, rejecting the notion of a monolithic feminine identity. In this conversation, Dakari unveils the secrets of balancing authenticity, motherhood, and an array of creative endeavors, providing a glimpse into her unique journey of self-discovery and artistic integrity.

Let's start with your podcast The Bigger Picture, you just had an amazing season. Tell me a little about it, what was your biggest takeaway?

Yeah, this past season was a lot of fun. The last interview I did, as you know, was with London Brown. Big ball of energy. It was fun interviewing him. I mean, all of the people that interviewed this past season, it's been an experience, I learned so much more about myself every time I interviewed somebody.

I love it, I'm not surprised that you learned more about yourself from those experiences. It's one of the biggest upsides to what we do. What lessons do you think have been the most impactful?

I would have to say that there's pretty much a running theme with many of the interviews, because they're all hustlers. Right? They're out there. They're promoting their craft. And, you know, it shows me some times where I need to work harder. And other times it shows me that no, you're on the right path. But the times that it’s shown me that I'm not working hard enough. That's when I learned things about myself like, okay, I'm making excuses over here. Or, I'm not managing time well over here. It's like little things like that, for me and sometimes I just get inspired, talking to artists and actors and entrepreneurs and writers. The bigger picture is about perspective, and I try to loop that in with every interview that I do.

You can also see that with the work you do at Urban magazine. And that is probably one of the reasons I enjoy being part of the family. It's one of the most pro-women outlets I've come across without being so in-your-face feminine. Women are not a monolith, and while I love overtly feminine content, I also love content that's real and authentic. In your role as editor-in-chief, what are some of the ways in which you strive to take that same specialness that you bring to your interviews on The Bigger Picture into the overall themes of the issues?

Well, I try to take into account like you said, we're not a monolithic people, so, I try to make sure that we cover every facet. You know, we are so many things. I look at myself and the people I'm surrounded by and I think about how dynamic they are. And I  essentially wanted to highlight that in Urban Magazine. And even though like you know, as far as it being an outlet, or platform, it's for women,  in a sense, it's for men too, the underlying theme is very empowered. It's important that people understand that you can be empowered, and you don't have to cheapen yourself. When I say that, women in general, we're naturally sensual. I mean, we're a lot of things. I am referring to, our sensuality’s part in the creative spirit that each of us has. We create life, we create art, we’re innovators and we’re also sexual. It all comes from the same energy system, right?! So, when you have that, and you try to put a price on it, and you cheapen it. It's kind of the same with raising my daughter too. If I yell at my kid every single day, it’s not as effective. And that's how I feel about what we as women are doing out here, and that's why I try to provide such a balance, as far as Urban Magazine is concerned. We should embrace all these dynamics that we have within us, including our sensuality, but I think it's really important that we are balanced. I think it's really important that we focus on the right things. 

I love it. You said so much. One of the key things you mentioned was not cheapening our power. There are very sensual parts of us. There are very powerful parts of us that necessarily aren't rooted in your sensuality. That sensual, creative energy is a very overlapping theme, and it’s one of the things I love about your music. It’s sensual, but it's your creative expression and the music that is sexy, it isn't overtly in your face come let me rip your clothes off and that is a very nice change of pace. And you as an artist, having the understanding of today's market and having the understand what is currently selling, do you find it easy or challenging to stay rooted in your authenticity and who you truly are?

I would say that I do have my moments where I'm like, I could do that. I could do all that that's going on out there. You know what I mean? Then I think again, my integrity and my character are so much more important to me, then trying to get ahead of other people because I have to stay true to my own authenticity. If I'm trying to chase what other people are doing, to compete with them, I've already lost. In addition, I have a daughter.When she sees certain things, and I have a conversations with her, I always try to impart on her that there is a big difference between empowered art and cheapened sensuality. You have to be empowered. I have to show the difference between the two. Why this person is doing this and why this may be a little questionable versus why mommy may do this, and that it's a business. And again, I can only go as far as my spirit will allow. You know, there are other people out there doing more and that may feel empowering to them. That's cool that they're comfortable with that and that's fine. I, however, I'm only going to go this far not I'm not gonna go that far.

But I mean, you can tell that about you from listening to your music also. Because an artist who will say, “you can keep your million dollars worth of d*ck” will also say, I'm not about to sell my soul to do this. It's okay, but I'm not going to take this opportunity and knowing the difference between good money and bad money. But we know that takes time and can be a process to learn. What was your process like learning that, there are opportunities that look good on the surface, but they aren't necessarily what they seem, and knowing how to say I gotta step away from this or I should invest time in this?

I will say this  certain relationships, certain encounters and networking opportunities have arisen over the years and I would say that I've turned I've turned a lot, a lot of things down. And it has a lot to do with what their intention is.  I'm just gonna speak candidly, there a lot of men. Everybody wants to offer you everything and it's kind of like, you know, you really have to figure out what it is they want. And you have to really be discerning on who it is that you work with, and you can't  drink from every cup, because there's a lot of poison out there. For a long time that deterred me from the industry, and that's why I record from home. That's why I'm teaching myself to mix and master. I'm teaching myself about plugins. This is very important to me because I don't want anyone to ever have to leverage me with what they have. That's so important. I think more women, young women need to take on this perspective. You got goodies we all got goodies, baby girl, you know, but you need to make sure that what you're accepting, that you're going to be able to live with. And that is really advantageous for you.

Let's pivot a little bit because you do a lot. You are an executive producer. Creative. You are an author. You are a Editor in Chief. And you mentioned being a mom, how do you balance it or find time to balance? Well, I know that you mentioned earlier sometimes you maybe aren't time managing for this or thae, but the reality is you can't do it all at one time. So how do you find it best to balance it all?

It's about priorities, right? So I guess for me, my daughter's always going to be a top priority. Not right now though, I'm working. (laughter) But she's always gonna be number one. So, other than that, everything else- I have put myself first so whatever that means to me at that time. So I get up. I'm gonna go to the gym, make sure she goes to school. I'm going to talk to my partner. I'm going to work a day job and I sometimes I do double work while I'm working. I work while working one job I write while I'm you know what I mean? When I get done, I make dinner and then I'm like, Alright, I need to work on this song. I'm gonna go ahead and write I feel inspired to write this poem or I'm gonna you know, whatever it is that I need to do. I'm going to check in with mom. I got a brother. I got a nephew. I don't stop.  I've just learned how to prioritize my life in a way. Where, you know, I put myself first. And , sometimes my family comes second.  There's a certain level of selfishness that comes with being an artist. It’s very easy to let other things get in your way. Right? Oh, I couldn't do this. I couldn't work on this today. I couldn't finish finish this project because, you know, my mom needed something from the store. You can make excuses. But, you know, you have to just say, No, I'm not gonna do that. You know what I mean? I have to put myself first.

Oh for sure! In parenting, a little girl. One of the things I've found especially now that she's in middle school is that I am in a way finding healing for things that the little girl in me may have felt at that time. With equations please played out. And the way that you know, my adult self wants to protect that version of me. In having your tween what have been your revelations around what 12 year old Dakari feels about where you are now? 

It's interesting, like when I say like, I want to run back and protect that version of me. When I look at it now like, I'm like, she would be so proud of me. Me if I didn't make those choices if I didn't go through those situations, so it also helps me not rushing to protect every 15 seconds because I can be quite Mama Bear. But yeah, I would say 12 year old Dakari is proud. At that time in my life, my parents took me out of public school for two years and put me in a Catholic school and, they did that because they saw that I might go left. And it had a lot to do with fighting. I fought a lot. I fought every single year from elementary school, I swear and then I was going to start fighting the middle school. My parents were like, you gotta go. And what I would say to myself, is she would be proud of me, I think 12 year old the Dakari would be proud of who I am today because I give less f*cks, you know, and at 12 I cared. I think a lot of us young girls care too much about what other people think. And we don't realize the scope of who we really are and the light that we really shine and the fact that all those people that we are surrounded with, like 95% of those people are probably not even going to be in our life in 20 yearThe 12 year old me would look at me and go, we got there. Finally, you know, but it took a long time. And if I could go back I would just tell myself that you know what, don't inhibit yourself. I was so like, I was so afraid. I was so afraid to be myself. You know what I mean? And I would say that and I think a lot of young girls have a hard time with being themselves because that's a time of our life where we're trying to figure this whole social situation out where we fit. I'm watching my daughter trying to fit and I'm like ‘yo, why are you trying so hard to fit in, like it you have a problem at that lunch table go to another. But it's a lesson that we grow into.